Repent. . .That I May Heal You

"Sometimes in our repentance, in our daily efforts to become more Christlike, we find ourselves repeatedly struggling with the same difficulties. As if we were climbing a tree-covered mountain, at times we don’t see our progress until we get closer to the top and look back from the high ridges. Don’t be discouraged. If you are striving and working to repent, you are in the process of repenting."

I was in Utah for my mission reunion during the November 2009 conference. I was disappointed that I couldn't listen to conference in the comfort and privacy of my own home and really take it in. During this session I was driving. I listened to the above segment just as I stopped to get gas. I remember pondering it at the gas pump, eager to start the car again and continue listening. It spoke to my heart. There are dumb little things in my life that I struggle with over and over. They should be simple, even effortless to change. But for me, they're not. I see the consequence of these petty behaviors over & over, yet keep failing when I try to change them. This line, "If you are striving and working to repent, you are in the process of repenting." gave me hope and comfort. I couldn't remember who said them & I've been hoping to come across them again. I'm so glad God is patient with me.

I love Elder Anderson's definition of repentance, "It is the beckoning of a loving Father and His Only Begotten Son to be more than we are, to reach up to a higher way of life, to change, and to feel the happiness of keeping the commandments." Repentance in the Lord's invitation to turn to a happier and more successful lifestyle. What a gift!

Sometimes, I buy in to the feminine tendency to be far too critical of myself; to feel that my efforts are never good enough, that I will never be good enough, even that I need to change everything about me all at once. I learned a couple of years ago that the Lord can help me identify what thing or things in my life need most to be changed, and my efforts to change can be focused and meaningful. But I forget, so I'm always grateful for reminders like this, "A better approach is to humbly petition the Lord: “Father, what wouldst Thou have me do?” The answers come. We feel the changes we need to make. The Lord tells us in our mind and in our heart."

In my daily prayers with the Lord I find much to plea for, and I try to remember to express my gratitude, and pray for others. I want to repent daily more consistently.

Up next: Whatever I want, whenever I want. Hee hee